Thursday, June 17, 2010

How to get a discount on your Comcast bill when you really aren't eligible for one

My comcast bill has been inching up and up the last few months ever since a "starter" promotion I had ran out - I've had the same account for nearly four years. How do I keep getting starter promotional discounts? Follow my steps for success:

Step 1: Notice that your bill is higher than last month. Get angry (this is important. They can sense anger).

Step 2: Chat with a customer service rep ONLINE. Do it online because these people are kind of disconnected and stupid, yet still have all the power over your bill that someone on the phone would have. Angrily tell them that you are a student, or have a terminal illness, or you lost your job or something else that would indicate that you are on a tight budget, and say that if they can't lower your bill you won't be able to afford cable any more (you don't have to follow through on this, but kudos if you do. Just make them believe that you will).

Step 3: At this point, the rep will try to do something to stop you from canceling. If it's been long enough since the last time you had a promotion, or you just moved they'll probably give you a starter promotional discount. They may try and do something else. Important for the next step: They will probably screw it up. If they don't, congrats, you have a lower bill, skip to step 7. If they do...

Step 4: Realize that your cable account got screwed up. Perhaps they charge you twice, or open a new account in your name (both happened to me this month. True story.) Get angry again.

Step 5: Call someone on the phone. Don't go online again, it's time to talk to someone with at least three brain cells who can fix the problem if so inclined. Tell them that you were just trying to get a break because you're a student/terminally ill/jobless/sad and now your bill is all screwed up and it's so inconvenient and is this how you run a business? Maybe I should have switched to satellite a long time ago...

Step 6: Wait on hold. They'll fix the problem. For all your troubles, after they fix the account, they'll use new discount codes to give you the promotion that you were told you would get in the first place even though your account is by no means new.

Step 7: Bask in the glow of cheap cable and internet for six months. Pay full price for a few months after that. Repeat from step 1.

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